The rules, and when to break them
I know the standard of care, I recognize when it's working and when it isn't, and I have the courage to set it aside when that's what's best for you.
My story
Meet Dr. Bob Selvester
My purpose as a family and functional medicine physician was forged in a fire few can fully comprehend.
Family & functional medicine physician
Chapter one
The joy of new life, eclipsed by grief
I was a young Navy family physician when my wife died very shortly after our second son was born. Suddenly I was the only parent of a two-year-old and a newborn, in an unfamiliar place, trying to care for my boys, work through a thousand details related to her death, and still be a competent, compassionate full-time physician.
All while carrying my own grief. No sleep. No appetite. No energy. Barely enough executive function to plan the next minute, let alone the next day, the next week, or our new life. I was coping with grieving in-laws and watching that nearly overwhelming situation show up in my own body.
Years later, it happened again. I lost my second wife in the days following the birth of our daughter. Two losses, two decidedly different experiences of grief.
The depression, and the guilt about not adequately supporting my kids emotionally, were heavy enough. But the chronic stress rapidly turned physical. A breakdown in the communication between my brain and gut triggered debilitating migraines, chronic insomnia, a decline in executive function, and chaotic digestive cycles.
Well-meaning people offered empty platitudes that often made the burden heavier. Despite my medical background, I felt completely isolated, in the dark.
"I always had Hope and my Faith, but the end of the tunnel was sometimes impossible to see."
Chapter two
Survival required a new way of looking at health
Through it all, my faith remained the anchor that kept me tethered to hope. But survival required a radical shift in how I looked at health. Traditional healthcare often treats symptoms in isolation, and I needed to address how profound grief fractures the entire nervous system.
By turning to functional medicine, I focused on the root causes of my physical depletion: calming my overactive stress response and restoring my system from the inside out. Rebuilding that foundation didn't just give me my health back. It restored the clarity and resilience I needed to be the father my children required and the doctor my patients deserve.
The core truth about health and healing, for me, is that Hope wins.
Sometimes we need others to point us in that direction and encourage us along the way. Other times, we get to be that encourager for someone else.
The physician behind The Well
I know the medical rules. I helped write many of them.
I began caring for a group of patients with a high rate of autoimmune disease, and the treatments in the VA/DoD Clinical Practice Guidelines I had helped write, the ones that work for 80 to 90 percent of people, routinely weren't working for them. I needed to meet them where they were, so I sought functional medicine training to fill the gap.
I committed fully when I realized how many of my patients had tried "everything" and nothing was really working. I enrolled in training and started applying what I learned right away. Sometimes I'd learn a new concept, realize it applied to someone I was caring for, and call to ask if they'd be willing to try it. We learned together.
I used to rely on medication far more than I do now. As a former Medical Director for DoD Pharmacy, I know medication well, and I learned how to spot the weaknesses in drug research. Today, meeting your goals matters far more to me than meeting a prescribing metric.
Along the way I've helped dozens of women navigate perimenopausal symptoms and helped hundreds of patients radically change their lives by losing 30% or more of their body weight.
Background
- Family physician (MD) and former Navy family physician
- Helped write 12 VA/DoD Clinical Practice Guidelines
- One of three enterprise-level Medical Directors for DoD Pharmacy
- Trained in functional medicine
The mentors who shaped me
Dr. Mike Rowane (DO) in medical school, Dr. Bryan Miller (DO) early in my career, and Dr. Don Nichols (MD), a lifelong mentor, friend, and surrogate dad. None of them were looking for personal glory. They just wanted to help patients by whatever means necessary.
Dr. Nichols' Undeniable Truths About Medicine
"A patient who believes he's been helped, has been helped."
"Not every set of symptoms has a diagnosis."
"90% of symptoms will resolve in time regardless of (or in spite of) treatment."
That last one matters in functional medicine, because the problems people bring us have usually already emerged as the other 10%. It's on us, as doctors, to anticipate which symptoms fall in the 90 and which fall in the 10.
How we'll work together
I listen, I cheer you on, and I give you real answers.
I'm committed to hearing each patient, meeting you where you are, and offering solutions that align with your values, shaped by what I've learned as a physician and as someone who has known both joy and heartache.
Your best interest first
No ego. I'm willing to admit errors, change course, and learn something new if it will help you.
Clear options, decided together
I'll explain what the standard of care is, how it does or doesn't apply to you, and what your options are. Then we talk about what you believe will work.
Test instead of guess
We test when we're unsure, use trials of therapy, and consider lifestyle first, with supplements used thoughtfully, especially when the evidence is strong.
Press the victories
We build on what's working and walk away from what isn't. The goal is what works for you.
Never on your own
Sometimes we pray, sometimes we cry together. Always, I'll encourage you.
"If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid."A Navy saying I live by
"I don't expect to change healthcare. I expect to improve the lives of the patients God has entrusted to me."Dr. Bob
Why I do this
Been there, done that. Twice.
I chose this work because it's a set of struggles relatively few people have navigated. For the person living it, knowing that someone else has truly been there matters more than it does for almost any other struggle.
The well-meaning insensitivity of friends and strangers alike may make life harder. Other people's (often arbitrary) rules need to make life better, not just harder, if we're going to consider following them. Having someone who understands, anticipates the pitfalls, recognizes when your responses fall outside the normal range, and helps you regain some control in the middle of chaos can help you build a new normal with less suffering.
My mission is to make sure professionals grieving the loss of a loved one, caught between demanding careers, shifting family roles, and their own health, don't walk this alone. Together, we'll use functional medicine to give you the clarity and resilience to lead your family through this crazy-difficult season.
"The tunnel of grief is dark, but it doesn't have to be this agonizingly hard. Hope wins, and some of your suffering is optional. Let's minimize that."
You don't have to do this alone
Let's start with a conversation.
Tell me where you are and what's been hardest. We'll talk through what support could look like for you and your family, with no pressure.
